My heart is deceitful and desperately wicked. I do not know it! I think that everything is going just fine and the Lord is blessing my life, when all of a sudden there is this horrible trader inside. It is as if the Devil himself has entered into my heart and twisted what the Lord has already accomplished in me. I know that it is not the Devil that is doing the twisting, but I who possesses the heart. The Devil is definitely involved in the process, but it is I who is lured away of my own lust.
My heart is as if it is an acid to my very soul. An acid that is destroying my very soul from the inside. It damages my soul in a number of ways. It first seems to affect my joy, then my peace, then my love, takes away my patience, burns my kindness, affects my goodness, and completely destroys my self control. I know that it is my heart for the word of God describes in detail how deceitful the heart is. It says that all the issues of life are stored here, according to the book of Proverbs. In the book of Matthew the Lord Jesus himself tells us how murder, adultery, hatred, etc. is in the heart of man.
When I was younger I did not know about life in general. I did a lot of exploring and came to find out that I was a messed up individual due to make a lot of bad choices. I still did not know that I had a heart condition. But I did come to the conclusion that the more bad choices that I made, the worse my life was. It was not until I came to Christ that I discovered that I even had a heart condition. I found out through reading the word of God (i.e. The Holy Bible), that my heart was the problem with my soul. By reading the word of God I figured out that I used to have a heart as hard as stone. And thank the LORD he gave me a heart of flesh. Now I can at least understand that I have a heart condition.
The heart of stone let me do anything and everything. It was dead and cold. Over time it became so hard that everything just did not affect it whatsoever. I had no joy, happiness, love, desires to do good, only to do bad, no peace, no kindness unless I was deceiving someone for some personal use or desire. I had a heart that was full of corruption. I used all of the tools of the Devil to self serve my selfish desires.
The heart of flesh that the LORD gave me, was a breath of fresh air when I received it. It was full of life and instilled into me all of the qualities that the LORD desired to put into my life. Such as love, peace, joy, kindness, goodness and self control. But somehow I have let the Evil One influence my thinking which has sank into my heart. I have let him into my life and I feel exactly how Paul describes his personal battle with the flesh in Romans chapter 7.
I know that there is only one thing that will completely take away this heart condition that I have and that is to totally surrender my heart and life over to Jesus and ask him to cleanse my heart with his precious blood that took away my sins on Calvary. He has told me to wash myself with his word, which does take away the filth of this world, but it does not take away my heart condition.
Only Jesus Christ and His perfect work on the Cross of Calvary can cleanse and purify this corrupted heart. I need to bow before my LORD and Savior and give Him this corrupted heart to repair. I need to ask Him to repair my soul that I have let this acidic heart damage and most of all, I need to ask Him to make sure that He does not let me get this kind of heart damage again. Whatever he tells me to do, I cannot expect to do it on my own, for I have tried this and failed miserably. That is why I have the heart condition that I have today. He needs to instill these protections into my life, so that I will have a healthy heart. By whatever means the LORD is going to do this I do not know, but I pray that He does it soon, before this acid does permanent damage. Not that the LORD could not repair that also, but that the damage would affect my testimony for the LORD.
Oh what a wretched man that I am!!! Thank you LORD that you are my Savior, now please put into my heart to obey my LORD, for whom I am not worthy to serve, yet by your grace and mercy I am fit to serve a King!!!!!!!!!!!!